This is a Letter, don't judge -.-

This is a letter; a serious one.

I am not sure where to begin, but here it goes:

Dear Me,

I know that you have stopped talking to people about the things that bother you, that is probably a bad idea, but I understand that you are just trying to protect yourself while you sort things out on your own. Good for you for trying to sort things out on your own, I know you like a third opinion and lately you have come to like a little drama for a little bit of attention, which is just annoying; even to yourself. I like to believe that you have stopped for the most part, again: Good for you.

Lately you have been feeling a little mixed-up about a lot of different things. I know you are not comfortable sharing what you’re feeling mixed-up about with all of the people who may or may not be reading this, so we will just leave it at that. Also, you have really forgotten a lot of things that you used to live by, which is really disappointing.  I am hoping that after reading that book you just bought you will start to really think about things again. Good books always force you to reevaluate your life, which is something I know you enjoy. No joke, Caitlin, you actually enjoy doing that sort of thing a little too much and sometimes it gets out of hand, why? No one knows, except you and you haven’t figured it out yet either.

Another thing: Please do not do that whole “double standard” thing you really hate when other people do, but you do as well. What. The. Hell. Caitlin. Really? Do I need to say more on this topic? No, I don’t.

I know that you try to be funny, but since most people can’t even begin to understand what you are talking about until it is too late, they don’t think that it is funny and you just feel really lame, but you know what? I like your jokes, so don’t stop telling them, even if it is only to make yourself laugh. I don’t mind that you laugh as much as you do and you shouldn’t worry about if people don’t like hanging out with you because you laugh all the time. It doesn’t matter because you have friends who do like hanging out with you and your laughter.

And I just realized how much of this letter is really just reassuring you of things, but I know that sometimes you really just need to hear it; not from the people who are supposed to say these things to you, but don’t. Not everyone will tell you that you are being a drama-queen and need to calm the flock down, but you have some friends that do tell you. I know you love them very much and care for them more than anything, even though you don’t tell them enough how much you do care and how you hope to never lose their friendship. I think that the ones that know you well enough do know how you feel; maybe. Maybe you should tell them, if you haven’t told them already, I know that you have told some of them. That should probably be your next letter.

I hope that you do look at this letter sometime and see what I was trying to tell you, see the suggestions that I didn’t directly say. I am sure you will, you love to read what you have written, now smile at yourself because you know that I am making a joke that no one will understand.

Always,

Caitlin

P.S. You see the world as a giant musical and it is highly amusing to you because no one knows what song you are making them sing in your mind, you are so weird, but I love you in the way that I should. How can you love anyone else without first loving yourself? Not in that “Oh, my God, I am so wonderful” sort of way, but you get what I am saying.

Working

I went to my first real day of work at Target today, it was tons of fun actually. I am super tired though since I had to wake up at 4:30 this morning, so this blog isn't going to be all too great. It is just sort of an update.

Oh... I bought myself a book, even though I should save my money so I can pay off my credit card. I also need to call my old company because for some reason they have not sent out my W-2. I am very angry about this since they should have a while ago.

Anyway, I am going to go eat some food and all that jazz.

Ta ta for now!

Thursday Already?

Where do the days go? Anyway, we have about 7 inches of snow here, I am not happy about it, but I have heard that it will be gone by Monday when I start work so I'll live. I am very excited that I have finished Job Quest, although depending on the hours I may take part in another Job Quest for a second job so I can move out sooner rather than later.

OKAY! I need to post something that isn't just off the top of my head, which means the next Weird Stuff I Did When I Was A Kid. Although I am sure it really isn't that funny and it is slightly inappropriate. I guess we will have to see. So here it is:

Weird Stuff I Did When I Was A Kid: Part 3, Child’s Play

My sister and I had what many little girls had when they were kids: Barbie and her boyfriend Ken. We also had way more stuffed animals than any child would ever need. For some reason when we were kids we liked to pretend they had sex (yes, we knew what it was, probably way too early, but eh?) and then, not so much with Barbie, but with our stuffed animals, we would pretend that they had gotten pregnant. After a while in our game, when we decided that enough time had gone by, they gave birth, complete with what we imagined was the sound birth would make “Sqquuuiisshhh!” Oh yes. We were that strange. Some of our stuffed animals were able, by some miracle, to give birth to babies that were not even their species because when a dog and a cat got together that is exactly how it happened in our world. The mothers of these babies would also be able to run across a jungle of madness and jump from tree branch to tree branch immediately after said birth.

I am not sure what possessed us to do this, but it filled the hours. We also pretended that there were hunters trying to murder us and our stuffed animals for no reason. They wanted to kill us all and the rainforest because they were evil men who beat up grizzly bears and innocent house-cats named Big Bear and Miss Kitty. Then there were the games where we would pretend that Big Bear was some evil king who took pleasure in beating suitors who had romantic interest in his many daughters. Oh, and Scooby-Doo was often a female in these games.

There were many other really strange games that we played with our Barbie’s and Bratz dolls. For example, Skipper and her brown-haired friend always got pregnant and ran away after the father abandoned them to deal with the struggle alone. And always Barbie understood, while Ken flipped the fuck out. It was always raining (in my mind) and Barbie would say that she wanted a divorce if that was the way Ken was going to be. And so on.

Also, the Bratz and their men seemed to be ALWAYS having sex at parties or concerts or pretty much where ever they could and whenever they could. Probably because the Bratz dolls looked all skanky when standing next to Barbie, then there were the games where Ken would go off with a Bratz girl and then realize his mistake and go back to his Barbie.

Did anyone else do these sorts of weird things? Because I doubt that Amanda and I were the only ones who did stuff like this. At least I hope we weren’t the only ones that did this sort of thing.

Ta ta for now!

P.S. Don't judge me, unless your judgement is that I was a very strange kid. Well, Amanda and I were strange kids.

I Hate

I hate "men."

I hate SNOW. Fuck snow.



I am sorry for the cussing. I am having a bad day.

I am Unsure on if I Should Post the Next "Weird Stuff I Did When I Was A Kid"

So this is what you are getting today instead, but I don't know what "this" is so let me think of something.

How about... Hmmm. I know! I am crazy =D

No, really, I am.

It is hard to really explain how I am crazy, but if you ask some of my friends they will tell you that it is either really funny or terrifying. I have not yet figured out what causes my craziness, but it is always an adventure, even though it goes one of two ways: I am very angry or I start thinking in terms of my reality.

My friend Andy recently experienced the angry side of my crazy. Now, I am pretty sure he has always known that I was and forever will be crazy, but I don't think he knew to what extent. His first approach was to try to cheer me up with being his usual self, then with jokes, and eventually he just stood there looking at me in a silence and occasionally saying "Are you okay?" even though he knew the answer. Looking back on this whole situation, it is pretty funny, well for me it is.

I am not sure why I was so angry, but I really was. After he went back to work I ran down to Haggen and then up to Sharis a short while later where my friend John listened to my ranting for a while.

Then there is the fun crazy. Basically this is how it goes: you think that calling your friend is normal? No, no it is not. How on EARTH is that normal?

Or: Why would I go talk to that person? I only see them everyday without talking to them, it would be weird to start now.

Or something I like to call "Job Quest." This is a game I have created for myself in my mind whenever I am looking for a job. I start to imagine that I am in Middle-Earth (as in Lord of the Rings type of Middle-Earth) and I am Aragorn, fighting my way through an application to some place of employment (which is kind of a quest within the overall quest of "Job Quest"), but the application isn't the only obstacle. There are other job-hunters out there and they are ugly orcs. Yes, that is right, orcs. I don't think that I need to stress how dangous these hideous creatures are. But wait! There is yet another quest within this quest! There is the interview process and the only way to slay the orcs is by being able to give a better impression to the mothers and fathers (interviewers/employers) than those disgusting orcs trying to finish MY quest BEFORE me! The only way to finish "Job Quest" is to find a job, which by default means that I have killed all of the other job-hunters hope of working where I have taken a position unless I leave, but that would take me back to square one, and I don't want that.

Ta ta for now!

P.S. I did not have this typed up on Word before I posted it. I wrote it on here, so excuse the weirdness, but this is actually how my mind works most of the time lol

I am Sick!!

I am sick and tomorrow I have an interview >.< This sucks! I will just have to sleep A LOT tonight and perhaps down some sort of medication. I am not looking forward to this.

I am in Starbucks with Hazel today, so this isn't going to be a very long post and it really isn't that exciting or funny.

I should go before I start talking about how miserable I am being sick. I will post something soon, I think.

Ta ta for now!

This is why I don't drink coffee!!

So I am sitting in Starbucks practically shaking with all the energy this stupid coffee drink has given me. I don't know why I decided to listen to the Starbucks lady and go ahead and get this thing! I am sitting here trying to look like I didn't just smoke speed or crack or something and I don't think it is working. I don't know where I was going with that.

Anyway, I want to go running or do something exciting, but I can't because I am sitting in Starbucks needing to look for work even though I don't really have to (yeah, not true) because I have a job interview at Target on Friday ( SO EXCITED and not just from the coffee lol )

I have a good feeling about the interview.

My dad wouldn't drink any of my stupid coffee drink so now I have to drink it all and I don't think that I can because there is SO much coffee!!! AHHHH!!!

Okay. Hmm. I can tell everyone here is all "WOW! What is wrong with that chick typing a million miles per minute?!" And I am just all in my own world of caffinated happiness, but when the caffinated happiness state stops I will be in a down mood so I wanted to tell you about this now while I am still all off in La-la Land and not later when I will be all DEEAATTTHHHHHHH!!

Okay! I should job hunt!!! SEE YA!!

Ta ta for now